Drop dead

It seems like the day of joy for many can be the worst day in my life. Seems like no one gives a shit about me. I'm just a puppet that people can use to keep themselves entertained or a slave to do the labor of others. To be stripped of everything. To have your friends get talked shit on, to have you be talked shitted on by your friends, and just giving me shit that i seem to not deserve but for some fucking reason no one gives a moments thought about how i feel. Push me aside when they don't want to see me and expect me to come fucking crawling back. Ignore me, don't look me in the face, or even know if I'm there. I seem all to disposable and no one cares about trash right. Maybe the easiest thing for me to do is just to drop dead. After all i seem to be pretty disposable to everyone. Parents don't give a shit about me, they can just throw me away and still have others. And what hypocrites they are, what is the fucking point of going to church if all you are going to do is talk shit and hold grudges against other people. Friends can always find more. Though whats the point of being my friend if you are just going to mess with my emotions and do as you please; say what you like and just expect me to sit around and tell you that everything is alright when it kills me inside. Why even bother putting in an effort to try if people are just going to brush you off their shoulders. I bet if i were to drop dead everyone would be sad, but only cause they lost a slave, who would do as they pleased, and continue back to enjoying their lives without any anguish about the death of a person.

Feeling like a lost sheep

Not anymore
I'm not going to be that kinda of person
The kinda that will take someone's bullshit
The kinda that will stand idly to let things go by
The kinda that will feel lost like a sheep
The kinda that will be too oblivious to the world
The kinda that will just hope for best
The kinda that will let things slip through my fingers
The kinda that will just feel like crying over people
The kinda that will be too generous
The kinda that will be subjected to pain
Is it too hard to try keep things together. Family tearing apart only to have me hold them together. Having to seem to please everyone. Standing looking in the mirror hoping to see something that will make me think more positively on life. Laughing about how badly my friends treat me. Laughing at all those people that are mocking me and about how much of a fool I am to have let them get to me. Tired of having to pull a fake smile for everyone when I feel like i want to cry. I feel like i have to be the superhero who doesn't falter. The one with the grades, the good church boy, the one that is suppose to have it all put together. The one that is suppose to be ready to do anything and to take the world by storm. To be the super-boyfriend. When inside it's hard. I stay up late struggling with the problems and crying with sorrow inside. Dry my eyes just to realize that everything is still the same. That I have to be that person, because I know people look up to me. I have to be strong or my family would not be. I have to be faithful so that my students kind believe that they too can find God. Everything is on my conscious. Stay up at night and can't sleep. Looking back at how easy i had it; not to bring a heavy heart to wonder what happened. You may think it doesn't bother me, but it kills me inside when someone does something.

Irony of life

Good intentions that get turned into rebuke towards you. A slap to the face that seems to sting. Though thinking about the situation one can not just sit and not laugh. Their friend comes to you for comfort, but take none of our advice. One top of that they say that you don't care and that your friendship always seems to go one way for them. Others seem to blow you off to talk to other friends cause they can't seem to talk to you about it. Others just bottle up their problems and get mad at you for trying to talk to them about it. It's funny how people can be pretty cold. They rebuke you or even push you away, but when they talk to you they rant about how they hardly get to hang with you; especially when you efforts seem to just be blown off by them. Everyone should deserve someone to be there for them and someone to treat them right.

Pointless effort

A mom who is sick and thinks that she is going to die, when she will be fine. A dad that does nothing but drinks all day and does nothing in the house. A sister that does nothing but ticks off both parents with her bad temper. A brother who fuels the anger in the house. And friends who when you try to talk to give you an attitude and short answers where it feels like an interview. Sitting on your ass trying to talk to someone to spill out our heart. And waiting on someone to talk to, but sitting looking at the sky trying to find the first star of the night to make a wish. Pointless efforts everyone to start trying to talk to someone, because they just seem to go nowhere. Banking so much effort into this and trying to get it to work, cause don't want to feel like a fool to have known that all that time has gone to waste. It's like you try so hard to make an effort just to sit and try to figure out where did that feeling go so suddenly. Waiting for the next time to be able to reunited.

Trapped

Staying home bored outta one's mind trying to find something to do. Looking back and forth making vain attempts to find something to do. Look at peoples thoughts on a certain situation, and notice that you are probably the only one that believes the same way you do. Feeling not only trapped in your own home, bored, but trapped in a society that seems to be so accepting and open to everything. Yet the same society that seems to be accepting closes out on the voices of those who do not seem to fit the schema of the norm. Alone and feeling like whatever you say, you have to anticipate a rebuttal from someone. Never seeming to get the satisfaction that you are right. Feel somewhat lost on trying to make a point. Getting criticized for being too narrow-minded and too closed off. Everyone has their viewpoints and gotta learn to accept it, but yet it seems to hard. Trapped and nowhere to run, what do you do? Stand and fight seems to be the answer, but it would seem pointless to try. Sitting around waiting for something big to happen. Curious on how a single person can change the world. Pondering where the morals some of our parents instilled in us went. Contemplating about how to somehow break free from this trap. Sitting and wondering how to get out of my situation, and out into the open and be happy with the ones you love.

Frustration

Sitting in a bus having, girls yell that they have us by the balls. Frustrated about how such a great weekend could have been so easily forgotten over something. Yet the situation never seems to just die down but just increasing. More and more rules on how to be respectful to a person that give you no respect in return. To have to be told constantly that you have to push to give respect to people, but when they get talk they are just fueling the ego; to add to one's thought that they are superior and because they were not told to show any respect treat us like trash and degrade those who try to be nice. Isn't it frustrating to not only have that, but to have people mock you; to believe that you are so stupid that you are oblivious to everything that happens, the worst part was to not have the person you thought loved you won't defend you and just sit to as you get ridiculed. Frustrated that you can not do anything about the situation, but stand there and accept it, because you are suppose to be a leader are suppose to be a good example for those whole look up to you for inspiration and help.

Broken trust

The start of the new year is suppose to bring new joys, yet the year seems to bring nothing more than sorrow and misery. Though things seems to be okay on the surface it is like the gilded age of life. To have things seem so perfect on the outside, but when you have so many family issues. Putting up fronts so that no one can see your weakness. Yet underneath it all broken trusts eat you up inside. Insomniac nights thinking of ways to fix the situation. Hoping and praying for things to work out even though the ones that have supported you the most now has given up on you. Saying things they don't mean but hurts all that much. The hope and drive for going on is maybe a slight chance of change.