Feeling like a lost sheep

Not anymore
I'm not going to be that kinda of person
The kinda that will take someone's bullshit
The kinda that will stand idly to let things go by
The kinda that will feel lost like a sheep
The kinda that will be too oblivious to the world
The kinda that will just hope for best
The kinda that will let things slip through my fingers
The kinda that will just feel like crying over people
The kinda that will be too generous
The kinda that will be subjected to pain
Is it too hard to try keep things together. Family tearing apart only to have me hold them together. Having to seem to please everyone. Standing looking in the mirror hoping to see something that will make me think more positively on life. Laughing about how badly my friends treat me. Laughing at all those people that are mocking me and about how much of a fool I am to have let them get to me. Tired of having to pull a fake smile for everyone when I feel like i want to cry. I feel like i have to be the superhero who doesn't falter. The one with the grades, the good church boy, the one that is suppose to have it all put together. The one that is suppose to be ready to do anything and to take the world by storm. To be the super-boyfriend. When inside it's hard. I stay up late struggling with the problems and crying with sorrow inside. Dry my eyes just to realize that everything is still the same. That I have to be that person, because I know people look up to me. I have to be strong or my family would not be. I have to be faithful so that my students kind believe that they too can find God. Everything is on my conscious. Stay up at night and can't sleep. Looking back at how easy i had it; not to bring a heavy heart to wonder what happened. You may think it doesn't bother me, but it kills me inside when someone does something.